My Bridesmaid Dress

My friend Kristin is getting married this fall, and I am lucky enough to be in the wedding. I'm really excited about it--I've been in 1 wedding before (well, 2 if you count my Dad's second marriage, but I don't) and it was a very small, casual ceremony (I wore a dress I picked out at Macy's). Although Kristin's wedding will be anything but traditional (it's going to be so cute!), there is the typical bridesmaid dress, etc.

Maybe I shouldn't say "typical" bridesmaid dress, as that conjures up some pretty horrific images. We all were able to pick the style of dress we wanted (awesome) and they will all be a very pretty [emerald] green! So I mean typical in the sense that we ordered them from a bridal store. Here's a picture of my dress...just try to picture it completely green (including the little sashy part).

For those of you who haven't seen me in person, let me just say that I'm a little, um, top heavy. I'm also not the thinnest person in the world (although I've been doing Nutrisystem with relative success). In order to get the dress to fit my upper half, we have to order a [much] larger size. My weight aside, I'm a fairly petite person. Tiny feet, tiny hands, etc. I'm only 5 feet tall. Actually, when I ordered the dress, they measured me several times because it didn't make sense that I would need a size that GIGANTIC! I should also mention that bridal/formal dresses run on the small side (talk about that extra boost of confidence on your big day, right?) Who the hell wants to be wearing a size eleventy-seven on the "happiest day of their life"?

Naturally, the dress designers assume that my height matches my weight. I'm used to it. There are very few articles of clothing in my possession that have not been altered in some fashion. What I'm trying to say is that I knew this dress would be too big and that it would require altering (better that than too small). And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the understatement of the year.

I tried on this dress (or tent) and my jaw hit the floor. First of all, I don't have to unzip it to get in and out (I actually think I could jump in). I could fit another small person in there with me. You see the v-neck part, where it shows just a bit of cleavage? Well, the v on my dress is definitely a capital V...as it goes well below my boobs. The halter back also scoops very low...as in, completely below my bra. And it's so gaping that you could probably see my underwear if you looked down the back of it.

I put my clothes on and went out to pay the balance. "How'd it fit?" asked the sales clerk. "Well," I replied, "let's just say it's a good thing I know an amazing seamstress because she's going to have to all but take this thing apart and put it back together again." What can I say, I like to be direct. I'd upload a picture of myself in it, but it would be too revealing (and trust me, no one wants to see that). However, if you want to laugh so hard that you almost pee a little, stop by the house and I'll model it for you.

I estimate that this dress will take a good 2-3 weeks to alter...which means I'll have to go into a "maintenance mode" on the diet, so that it still fits when I pick it up! But, I can definitely tell that once the dress is altered, it's going to be really cute! I'm still super excited about it, and being in Kristin's wedding! But from the moment I put the dress on, I knew there was no way I couldn't tell you about it.