Vote for Me

If I ever run for President (or Supreme World Leader), here are some of the campaign platforms I'll be running on. I predict unanimous support, across all party lines.
  1. The elimination of "fine print." No more finding out that the advertised deal or coupon doesn't work on whatever product you're trying to buy.
  2. Finally making the long overdue switch from 2-day to 3-day weekends. Everyone would be a lot happier and more productive. The new weekend will be Saturday-Monday. You're welcome.
  3. The following shows will be available on DVD or Instant Streaming on Netflix: Legends of the Hidden Temple, Guts, Simpsons, Friends, Modern Family (to be continued)
  4. Old Navy will no longer be allowed to make commercials. They're stupid. And we've had enough.
  5. You know how when you're watching TV they always play a preview for an episode of another show or a clip from the 11:00 news during the commercials [usually] right before it gets back to the show you're watching? Have you ever noticed how sometimes they fake you out and play those but then just play more commercials? Well, when I'm in charge, that will be illegal.
  6. Hardees will also not be allowed to make commercials as their incredibly sexual nature confuses me as to how I should feel about hamburgers.
  7. Global Standardization of Colors. Enough nonsense. I'm not saying we eliminate the names for all the shades and just refer to things like men do. I'm well aware that blue and cerulean are different. What I'm proposing is that we come together, as a people, and say, "OK, this right here, this is called (blank). No more calling it a million different things. From now on, when people are trying to order order a dress in a particular color or describe the color paint they want for their walls, they can say this color and we'll all know what it means." I will at least make the fashion industry abide by this rule for purposes such as wedding planning. If I'm feeling generous I will allow you to give your products kooky names provided that somewhere you identify the traditional color names, kind of like an ingredient list.