Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nancy Drew and the Curious Case of the Mystery Thong

Admit it, you can't see that title and not read this. It's impossible. I don't know how I let it happen. I've had this blog since last year, and there has yet to be a post on the Mystery Thong. It's one of the most random and unexplained stories that has ever happened to me--it should damn well be on here.

I don't remember the exact date of this event; all I know is that I was in high school at the time, my best guess is junior or senior year (anytime between 2001-2003). I was straightening up my room--I won't say cleaning because those of you who know me, know that I [typically] don't let things get to the state at which they merit "cleaning."

So there I am, straightening things up when I glance to a small gathering of stuffed animals (saved from childhood) on the floor. Something catches my eye; something that doesn't belong...but what is it? I was going to have to go in for a closer look. Imagine my shock when I learned that the object which had caught my eye was, in fact, a black thong.

I know what you're thinking, "So what? It must have fallen out of your drawer or something." And that's where you're wrong. These panties are not mine (a phrase I never imagined needing). I wondered whether or not a friend who'd stayed the night had accidentally dropped them out of her bag...but I hadn't had anyone over in awhile.

Allow me to describe the garment for you; perhaps it's your's. You can come by and pick it up if you'd like; I won't judge (much). That's right, I still have it. I plan to hang on to it until its rightful owner steps forward. I even had Amy Jo wash it, so provided you haven't gained/lost a ton of weight in 6+ years you're good to go.

It is Abercrombie & Fitch, black, size large. I'm including a photo, perhaps you'll recognize it.

A plethora of questions came upon me. And, this event is still so shrouded in mystery that not one of these questions has been answered yet:
  1. Why has someone left their panties at my house? In my room?
  2. Who have I invited over that might take their underwear off mid-visit?
  3. Could this just be the lamest prank of all time? If it is, will I have to stop being friends with the perpetrator due to the level of sadness that is their prank?
  4. Does this person know they are missing some unmentionables?
  5. Who do I know who wears Abercrombie panties? I didn't really run with the Abercrombie crowd. Truthfully, singing "I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch," is as close as I ever get to the place. (Who doesn't love an LFO reference?)
  6. How much did these cost? Probably $37. Is this going to make their owner easier to find? No one likes to lose expensive things.
  7. Who would buy Abercrombie panties? I get that for the typical poser, Abercrombie was a status symbol. I've got news for you: If someone is seeing you in your underwear, chances are they already think you're pretty "cool" so I don't think the label is that crucial. And when the details of the score are discussed, I don't think the fact that you had on an Abercrombie thong is going to come up. It probably wasn't even noticed. But none of that matters, you didn't get to impress anyone with your overpriced underpants because you left them at my house.
  8. How does an Abercrombie large compare with the standard size large? Most of my friends were ridiculously thin, maybe I could've narrowed it down.
  9. Will the identity of the mystery thong owner ever be revealed to me?
So now you know the story of the Mystery Thong. I'm sure it will remain a mystery until the end of time. When we're all dead and gone and asking God to explain all the unsolved mysteries, you might ask about dinosaurs, Amelia Earhart and things of that nature. Not me, I'm asking, "Who came over to my house and decided to leave commando?"

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Recent Conversations

I was doing some reading for my child development class the other day when I stumbled across some information concerning language development. Apparently, most children say their first word around 12 months and by 18 months they have 50 words in their expressive vocabulary. This data caught me a bit off guard; it didn't jive with what I remembered hearing about my own speech.

Luckily, Amy Jo came home shortly after I read this. I reported my findings to her and inquired about my language acquisition rates. Apparently, my first word occurred around 10 months of age, at 14 months I was speaking in complete sentences, and at 18 months I was speaking in what Amy Jo referred to as, "complete paragraphs". So basically, I began talking at 10 months at haven't shut up since...which sounds about right.

Speaking of discussions I've had with Amy Jo recently, last night we were watching Gilmore Girls (I'm guiding her through the entire series) and Lorelai was pointing out dirty jokes. I looked at Amy Jo and said, "If it wasn't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless." I thought she would've been slightly offended, but she wasn't. She said, "You should write that down somewhere." Way to surprise me, Amy Jo. I assume she meant to write it down on my blog; I don't know where else I would write it.