Thursday, September 6, 2012

Prescriptions & Sex

I just picked up my second round of antibiotics in an attempt to get rid of this sinus crap and the guy at the pharmacy reminded me that Amoxicilin does affect the efficacy of my birth control. I love when they tell me that. I always just say, "Oh OK," but I sometimes debate saying something creepy. I'm toying with some various options:

  • Dammit! Are you serious? Well, you'd better throw in some condoms and Plan B with it because I'm not canceling my plans this weekend.
  • Sounds like a challenge to me!
  • Hang on, I'm going to call my boyfriend so you can tell him that. He won't believe me.
  • Well I was planning on tricking somebody into marrying me by getting pregnant anyway so this really works out.
While I was trying to think of stranger things to say another thought occurred to me: I don't know about you, but "sexy" is not at the top of the list of ways I'd describe myself when I have a sinus infection. I can't imagine a lot of guys wanting to get with this when I can't breathe or stop blowing my nose. I suppose some people get some action when they're sick, otherwise they wouldn't have the warning.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Idea, Copyright Me

The other day I found myself thinking about my plan in case I ever open a nail salon (you know, like everyone does). I decided that I would offer a really nice deal to women who were all kinds of pregnant. If you bring in your ultrasound picture and you're 6+ months pregnant, you can get a basic pedicure for like $5.

I figure at that point, a lot of women can't reach their feet plus they're all swollen and junk. So they don't have to spend lots of money on toe maintenance (plus they don't have to walk around with a pedicure their husbands attempted). And the business major in me should also point out that I could potentially create a lifelong customer based on this generosity. That's money in the bank, people.

The odds of me opening a nail salon are not that good, but I'm claiming ownership of this idea right now. So if you ever see a nail salon offering this promotion, you do me a solid, go in there, and say, "Hey! Erin Black deserves a check!" You might have to show them this post as proof.

Legitimately Pissed

I'm a little late on posting this, but it still irritates me to think about. Back in mid-August, Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin "justified" his pro-life stance with the most absurd claim ever uttered in history. His philosophy is that women who have been legitimately raped rarely get pregnant because the female body can basically shut it down and prevent pregnancy all by itself. But don't take my word for it, read all his BS in The New York Times.

He claims to have heard this medical secret from doctors. I need to meet these doctors. I'm having such a hard time finding a doctor who understands the mystery that is my body. I need someone who can prescribe leeches for when I get The Vapors.

Let's talk semantics. Legitimate rape implies that there is such a thing as illegitimate rape. I assume that's for all those "no means yes" hussies who were asking for it. I am offended by this not only as a woman but as someone who has been attacked. It's been six years since that night in Portugal when I was drugged and attacked in a bar and I still think about it almost every day. I was lucky. I was able to get away before the worst of it happened. But what if I hadn't been so lucky? What if I'd gotten pregnant? Being told by some douchey guy that I hadn't been legitimately raped would be like getting raped all over again.

I'm also offended as an American who cares about politics. There are legitimate issues that need to be addressed in this country; poverty, capital punishment, sex trafficking, child abuse, the list goes on and on. But what do these a-holes choose to waste time focusing on? They filibuster about legitimate rape, gay marriage, tea parties, birth certificates, and religion. It's disgusting