Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Dentist

I went to the dentist today. I have a lot of opinions and theories regarding dentist visits. Don't worry, I'm not an anti-dentite. My number one theory is as follows:
If you floss the night before and/or the morning of your appointment, if totally makes up for the fact that you've probably only flossed a grand total of 3 times since your last appointment.
At the moment, I don't have dental insurance. I haven't had it for about 2 years or so. I think I've developed the rest of my theories as a result of being uninsured. Allow me to elaborate on some dental visits and the subsequent theories.

The first time I went to the dentist without insurance the appointment only cost $59. I didn't think that was too terribly expensive. The second time I went, it was $95. What was the difference? The dentist was actually there for the second appointment. That was about the time I decided that I should always go to the dentist when he's not there. I schedule the appointments and they say, "Oh, well he won't be in that day, is that OK?" I have to hold myself back so I don't say, "Hells yea that's OK!"

On to the third appointment. I scheduled it on the dentist's day off, planning to spend another $59. I got there and on the way to the chair they informed me that my x-rays needed to be updated. OK. I was unaware of the cost associated with dental x-rays. Now I know, if you don't have insurance, teeth x-rays will run you close to $200. That was a fun surprise! What theory did I develop that day? X-rays are: a) a luxury item, b) something I won't get again until I have insurance, or c) all of the above. The answer is c.

That brings us to today's visit. I thought I had it this time. Was the dentist there? Nope (check). Did I have my prepared response for the x-ray update scenario? Yep (check). I decided to tell them that I wouldn't be getting x-rays until I either had insurance or they decided to do pro bono work. But don't worry, they still managed to get me. It turns out I have a teeny, tiny spot of a cavity on 1 of my teeth. All they have to do is use this air-sander thing to blast the spot away. How much will that cost? $113. You'd better believe I asked before I scheduled the appointment (as I was writing my $64 check for today's visit).

Here comes my newest theory: I should attempt to recoup the cost of being uninsured through the complimentary products you get after each appointment. The whole way home, I was trying to think about how many "complimentary" toothbrushes I would have to take to balance out my losses. I can't do complicated math while driving, so the most I figured out was that I'll need to take a bigger purse in order to smuggle out all the goods. I have since run the numbers (assuming that each toothbrush costs roughly $2):
  • $113 cavity = 57 toothbrushes
  • $185 x-rays = 93 toothbrushes
  • $218 worth of visits = 109 toothbrushes
  • GRAND TOTAL ($516) = 258 toothbrushes
I suppose I could also swipe the floss and travel size toothpastes, so that will completely change those totals.
I hate flossing. I wish I had 1 long curvy tooth. It didn't need to be split up. They didn't have to make separations with me. I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say, "You don't know how hard it is to stop smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. ~Mitch Hedberg

Check Out this Biz

It's been awhile since I last posted anything...sorry about that! I was super busy finishing up my student teaching at the Spanish-immersion elementary school (it was all kinds of triste) and beginning my student teaching at the high school. On top of that I've still been feeling sick. I think I'm finally getting over what I dubbed the "Dick Cheney of Viruses" because this thing will not die. Fortunately, I'll be on fall break tomorrow and Friday...so the blog shall be updated!

Before I get back to planning out my next couple of posts* I have to share this with everyone. My friend Kristin sent me a link to a new favorite website called Awkward Family Photos and realized it had been awhile since I checked up on my other regularly visited sites. After checking out everything on Cake Wrecks, I hopped on over to People of Walmart. It was on People of Walmart that I saw this gem (click the link to read all the comments on the site):

Just take it all in. I highly recommend visiting the site and trying to read some of the individual platforms being advocated on this van. One of the stickers says something about being anti-seat belt. I don't think that's a thing. Those of you who know me are well aware that I love reading bumper stickers (although I don't put them on my car). If I'm stuck in traffic, I enjoy being behind a car with several bumper stickers to amuse me. Most of the time it doesn't even matter if I agree with the sticker or not; if I don't agree, I make fun of it and if I do, I typically LOL. I don't think I ever blogged about the time when I was younger (maybe junior high) and I had to go to the eye doctor and get my eyes dilated. As Amy Jo was driving me home we got stuck behind a car covered in bumper stickers (well, just the back of the car...this van has obviously redefined covered) and I couldn't see well enough to read any of them. That was a hard (and sad) day.

Despite my love of bumper stickers, I'm pretty sure my head would've exploded had I encountered this van in person. At a minimum, the rest of my day would've been shot because I would HAVE to just sit down and take in this bad boy. I'm upset there aren't pictures of this van from all angles.

*Yes, sometimes I do actually plan these things out. There have been rough drafts. So if anyone tries to tell you that stream of conscious writing doesn't take any planning, punch them in the face.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

In Your Own Words

I hate how the blog makes it so difficult to post comments. I've received so much Facebook feedback on the Crazy Bitch Saga, that I had to share it!

With the response to my first status update, how could I not post on this topic?

I'm getting comments like it's my job and the rent's due tomorrow!

And just when you thought it was over, I get another message. The people demanded a blog post.

Not only were all these comments great, but they also prove that I'm not the only one who thinks this chick is crazy. She's the only one who thinks she's not crazy.

Thanks for joining me on the crazy roller coaster that has been this situation!

Crazy Bitch...or Trick Candle?

I should've known that there was no way that crazy bitch was done. Why would a crazy person actually comply with my requests to be left alone? She's like a trick birthday candle; you think you've blown it out, but then the damn thing lights up again! Does she not know that those are annoying? By the end of the day Tuesday, I'd received another message from her. I've blocked a lot of it out because it's a variety of accusations about my friend, and I won't post those.

And now I'm pissed. In the last message I sent her I said that I wasn't going to talk about this anymore. So she sent me another message. I did not reply--I'm a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them. Clearly, she's not going to stop. Thus I was forced to reply...

I suppose I could've been a little less of a smart ass...but where's the fun in that? At this point, I was unable to resist. I sent this message and then I blocked her. You can imagine my surprise at receiving this:
Has your mind been blown? First of all, what an opening! Did you see the part where she said I was the "world's biggest bitch"? The entire world. I'm adding that to my resume! I also like the part about I should've thought about this as much as I thought about putting food in my mouth. This is just further proof that this bitch doesn't know me--I don't eat much. I love that her defense is to call me fat--like it's going to be news to me. Like I don't tell myself that almost every second of every day. The ugly thing is another story. I am fat, and I can be a bitch, but I'm not ugly. And I should take this moment to mention that this girl is BUSTED looking. She is neither pretty nor thin. It's safe to say that I'm not stupid and I'm pretty sure I'm not a cunt (but then again, possession is nine-tenths of the law).

And then she says that I should've stopped talking to her in the beginning...wow, what have I been trying to do in every single message. She instigated this entire thing, not me. Is anyone as impressed as I was that her argument has quickly dwindled into attacks against me as opposed to a defense of her actions? I was literally visualizing her grasping at straws. Oh, did you see the part where she tells me not to attempt to make her feel stupid? It was so hard not to reply with, "Trust me, you don't need anyone's help to look stupid."

Then there's the little part where she hopes I die. Well, she hopes for the "sale" of the world that I don't live long. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she meant "sake". Unless, is the world for sale? What's the sticker price? Seriously, she hopes I die? WHAT THE FUCK!? Amy Jo was not thrilled about that part of the message. In her mind, wishing my death is not the ultimate insult--she goes on to insult my political beliefs. What's next? "I know you drive a Honda, and those suck!"

At this point I reported her to Facebook because this is harrassment. Will that be the end of this saga? Well, let's hope so.