Hallmark

A few weeks ago, I was in Hallmark searching for a quinceanera card (or at minimum, a birthday card in Spanish). I found 1 birthday card in Spanish--only one! This wouldn't have pissed me off as much had I not found some of the other cards they had. Did you know that when your pastor retires, you can't just give him a retirement card? They have a special pastor retirement card. There were a number of cards in braille, and a number of cards for Bar & Bat Mitzvahs. I have no beef with cards for the blind or God's Chosen People, but I'm almost certain that the Hispanic population of Lexington is much larger than the blind or Jewish population.

So anyway, I'm getting pissed off in Hallmark when I spot a "Divorce Announcement" card. And it wasn't remotely ironic (don't worry, I took a picture). It was a completely serious card letting someone know that you got divorced.

"Sometimes there is only one way to make a new beginning...Just wanted to let you know about my divorce."

I have heard (by which I most absolutely mean "received email forwards") of people sending out cards much like the wedding invitation when they get divorced. I think it's a silly thing to waste your [recently decreased] income on, but whatever rips your velcro. I was puzzled by this particular divorce announcement card, for several reasons.
There are the obvious reasons of:

• Who would you need to inform of your divorce in such a formal manner? Is somebody too good to receive a phone call or text? Some super conservative great-great-grandmother? I've got news for you, she's going to be so shocked over the actual divorce that the manner in which you break the news will be of little consequence.
  
• Why would you spend $2-3 on a divorce announcement card?
• How would I react if I received a divorce announcement card in the mail?
  

My questions included:

• Why is this card only sold by itself? If you're going to send out divorce announcement cards, wouldn't it be better to buy a pack of 20? Why should divorce announcement cards be different from thank you cards or Christmas cards? It's not like there are so many divorce cards to choose from.
• Is this really the type of card that needs to be in the full, standard card size? What more is there to say? It would be much more cost effective to print divorce announcement cards on the half-card size (again, like thank you cards).

So, if I ever start my own card-making company I plan on selling a variety of half-size divorce announcement cards in box sets. Divorce announcement cards will be made available in both the serious and humorous genres. Come to me for all your divorce announcement needs.