I've had [what has felt like] a lot of shit going down in my life lately. I know that I've said it before but while I was prepared for the "real world" to be hard, I wasn't prepared for it to completely blow!
As you may well know, my one and only "real world" job was cut short quite abruptly when, after 8 weeks, I was fired. I am currently working on a post with all my great How-to-Get-Fired tips! As you also may well know, ever since the firing I have been busting my ass at your friendly neighborhood Kroger. Filling the role of pricing coordinator is not easy...it's actually quite tedious, my social life has suffered tremendously. But I did it. And I did it with minimal complaining (within earshot of store management, that is).
Explaining the entire backstory to this saga would most likely bore you (if you disagree, alert me and I'll post on that too) so I'll skip to the big finale: I am not being hired full-time to do a job that I have been doing for over 1 year. Who was hired, you ask? A night cashier from another store. I don't have all the details, hows and whys of this situation (I'll expand upon my outrage as those come in, I'm sure) but I've got enough for a decent rant. Even my mother said that she would use the F-word to describe the situation if she was a fan of that word. Lucky for us, I'm a big fan of that word (one of my favorites) so I'll use it as I see fit.
I always thought I'd be doing more with my life than this. On the other hand, I've always known that it takes all sorts of people to make the world go 'round. Not everyone gets to be big and important; some people have to fill the less-than-glamourous jobs in our society. And this morning, it occurred to me: I've also always assumed that I would be one of the important people. What if I'm not? This may or may not have enduced a panic attack (proof that I shouldn't be thinking while I'm driving), I'm not quite sure. But think about it, everybody thinks they're going to be special and important and make a difference--but that's not possible. It's like that scene in Office Space:
Peter: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you’d do if you had a million dollars and you didn’t have to work. And invariably what you’d say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you’re supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter: I never had an answer. I guess that’s why I’m working at Initech.
Michael: No, you’re working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there’d be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
I'm not really sure what my point is here, other than the fact that I won't settle for being something boring. I'm making some sort of change for the better. I'm taking control of things because waiting patiently and resting on my work ethic isn't doing shit! Not getting this job is the biggest sign that I do need to go back to school. I've never had any intention of staying at Kroger for any huge amount of time (much less forever) but it's been a great place to be while I'm trying to figure everything else out. And although the pricing gig was a pain, I'd always thought that if I was going to be at Kroger I should be doing the thing that pays me the most and makes me feel least like a failure.
All the thanks and compliments I've received for my work there were nothing more than empty rhetoric--that is now painfully clear. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing how great I am as much as the next person, but there comes a time when a person needs more than a pat on the back.
I have no plans to quit on principle or anything (a recession is a bad time to have principles). I still make a decent amount of money and I just qualified for benefits and vacation time so it would be stupid to leave. But if they're under the impression that I'm going to stick around and help out my replacement, they're fucking crazy. Once the new girl starts, I'm done. They gave her the job and I'll be damned if I'm going to lift another finger. They've already learned that I'm very nice (despite my claims) and helpful. They're about to learn that my bad side is not a place they want to be. [Insert evil laugh]
I know that any job comes with the red tape and the politics that I am encountering; I am many things, but naive is not one of them. I just didn't expect I would deal with so much red tape and politics so early in life. I've learned a lot about life since I graduated and it's made me a better, stronger person. And on the plus side, I have nowhere to go but up!