I never got to be a flower girl as a child. I had so many friends who'd gotten to be flower girls and I was always jealous of them. It probably goes back to the fact that I don't like it when other people have things or do things that I don't have or do. One of my more endearing qualities. I assumed that Laurel would join the ranks with everyone else who has not taken my request seriously. Well buddy, I was wrong.
That's right. About 2 days later, I got the official request to be her flower girl. You're now reading the blog of a future 26 year old flower girl (I should point out that I'm older than both the bride and groom). If you don't think that's awesome, you need awesome lessons.
I'm bringing everything to this ceremony that a more "traditional" flower girl can't:
- Even flower petal distribution.
- Actually remembering to throw the flowers.
- Not bursting into tears, sitting down in the aisle, etc. (basically any and all shenanigans)
- Not stealing focus
- No bedtime (how many flower girls can party all night?)
- No bitchy, over-controlling mother (Amy Jo is pretty chill)
- No pesky child labor laws
- The ability to assist in all sorts of other areas: bridal showers, bachelorette parties, alcohol and tobacco purchasing, car rental, voting, carpet shampooer rental, lotto ticket purchases, R-rated movie ticket responsibility
- Ability to perform the ceremony if need be, thanks to my online ordination certificate. (True story...I should really try and find where I put that certificate).
- Spanish translation abilities (something most weddings need)
- AAA membership (that's just always a handy thing to have)
- Black Belt (in case ninjas attack the ceremony)
- Massive wealth of pop culture knowledge to fill any conversational lulls at wedding-related events
- Enough brilliant music selections to keep the reception going for hours (Britney Spears, Spice Girls, any and all boy bands, etc.)
- An adorable dog who will eat the flower petals I drop (can you say immediate clean up?)
- Knowledge of the choreography of Michael Jackson's Thriller, in case the guests demand a show
- Access to high school students who would do any and all wedding tasks (decorating, clean-up, valet parking, serving, etc.) for free in exchange for As in Spanish class
- Hilarity (what if the ceremony is running late and I need to entertain the crowd?)
- I'm actually old enough to appreciate and remember the honor I will be receiving