Friendship

The TV of my youth definitely convinced me there were going to be a lot more live-in butlers in my adult life. Who's the Boss, The Nanny, Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Not once have I gone over to someone's house to be greeted by a middle-aged British man wearing a three-piece suit. No, the closest I've ever come to a butler is probably Ask Jeeves.

We all developed ideas of what adulthood would be like based on TV and movies. And while I can't speak for everyone else, most of my ideas turned out to be wrong.

Did I assume I'd one day have a spacious NYC apartment with the most idyllic purple walls? No. But I did assume there would be some sort of core friend group with whom I'd share the ups and downs of life. To put it plainly, no one told me life was gonna be this way [clap clap clap clap].

That's not to say I don't have friends, because I do. And I may be a bit biased, but I've always considered myself to be friend-worthy material. If I'm your friend, I'll be there for you. And I'm not just saying that to continue the Friends references. (OK, it's probably like 50% for the reference). But for some reason, I've almost always been the peripheral friend. I'm never part of the inner circle. If I happen to be present for an event, nobody is mad about it. Or if they are mad they keep it to themselves because, manners. But at the same time, they aren't mad if I'm not there either. When you're a kid, your friendships are very location-dependent. You're friends with the kids in your class or the kids on your street. And you might not even think about your school friends when you're not in school; as though they only exist in that building. And if you change schools or move, well those friendships are simply over. Sometimes I still feel that way.

I can't say as I have a "best friend". I honestly don't think there's anyone out there who would refer to me as their best friend. I did when I was younger, but not anymore. Technically, my husband is my best friend. But that's different. I was under the impression that you're supposed to have a best friend in addition to your spouse. Let's say I won to a show or something and he couldn't go, well I would be at a loss as to who would want to go with me. 

There are only so many times you can find out about an event you weren't invited to before you start to wonder if there's a reason. Am I coming on too strong? Not strong enough? The point is, I have no idea. I also have no idea how to finish this post. I'm not looking for pity or anything. I suppose this was just a way for me to get my thoughts out.