Kids Say the Darndest Things

I feel like my students have been saying a lot of funny things lately...so I thought I'd share them! Maybe I'll throw in some classics, too. Students are masters of the non sequiter. Most of these comments came in the middle of class, often times as an interruption to my lesson.

• "Miss Black, can you hold on to this pencil until I have your class again? I won't need it until then." This kid's pencil is in my desk as I type this. Mind you, our school has block scheduling so I won't see this student for 48 hours. In the next 48 hours, he does not anticipate needing a pencil for anything.
• "Look, Miss Black--my dog literally did eat my homework." This statement was accompanied by a student's workbook that had clearly been chewed up by a dog. There was also a note from a parent verifying that the dog did in fact eat the workbook. I totally believe this kid, Lola would chew up a workbook in a heartbeat. However, the homework in question was not from the workbook.
• "Miss Black, how do you spell gonorrhea?" An oldy but a goody. A student asked me this last year. I had to reply with, "I have no idea. Gonorrhea isn't really my area of expertise."
• "Miss Black, why can't football players have intercourse before a game?" This girl raised her hand and called me over to her desk. Silly me, I thought the question would be related to the assignment. When I asked her what prompted her to ask me that question she said, "I don't know, I thought maybe you dated a football player."
• "My special plant is inside my dresser." This was included in a composition about each student's "perfect room". Apparently, my mind was in the gutter when I assumed this special plant was something of an illegal nature. "Naw, that's not what it is. It's...um...what's it called? Oh yea, marigold."
• "I take my guinea pig for walks."
• "This is a stick up. Give me an A or else." This probably doesn't seem amusing, until I tell you that the kid had his ski-hat pulled over his head while saying it.