Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Road Rage

For years, I've thought that regular cars should be like bumper cars. More often that not while driving, some jackass does something that merits me ramming right into him. Speaking of things that make me want to run you off the road, did I miss a memo stating that the "thank you" wave was no longer being used?

The thank you wave is what you do when someone lets you merge in front of them or something. It's not complicated, you just throw a hand up for a brief moment. The wave typically occurs directly under the rear-view mirror, ensuring that the other driver can see the gesture. You don't even have to move your hand back and forth like in a traditional wave. I'm a huge advocate of the wave. Nine times out of ten, I actually say "thank you" while I give the wave. I don't know why I do that, because they certainly can't hear me. The thank you wave is one of life's little assurances that even in the downturn of modern society, people are still generally good at heart.

I'm beginning to think that previous sentence should be in the past tense. I can't tell you the last time I received a thank you wave on the road. As a general rule, I'm not a very nice driver. I'm not a super aggressive road warrior, but I'm not that person who lets everyone out in front of them. Every so often, when I'm feeling generous, I will let someone in front of me. Now we play the waiting game. I stare at that spot below their mirror, waiting for my wave. If the wave doesn't appear within a few seconds, I have the urge to exact my revenge and slam on the gas.

Situations such as that make me wish that license plates displayed cell phone numbers. Then I could call the person in front of me and say, "Hey asshole! Perhaps you didn't notice, but I wasn't letting just anyone in front of me. It's not my fault you were in the wrong lane; I took pity on you. All I expect in return is a wave and if you can't do that, I'm going to knock you off the road." I'm positive I would receive a lot of calls on the road, too. But you can be damn sure they'd all be about my driving and not my lack of thank you wave.

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