Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The People Behind the Tans

Maybe I judged the Jersey Shore kids too quickly...I'm sure they're not all bad. Let's take a closer look at some of the cast members, there must be souls under those tans.

When it comes to work, the Jersey Shore gang wants what everyone wants: a job where you don't really do anything while wearing your favorite Ed Hardy clothes and accessories. And the housemates have found that at the t-shirt shop. Angelina (aka Jolie) feels that working in the t-shirt shop is beneath her. You see, Angelina is a bartender. In her words, "she does great things." Yep. She said that. She can't slum it and sell t-shirts because she's a bartender. It's kind of like being a doctor, she makes her livelihood with her hands. What is she supposed to do if she gets carpal tunnel from folding t-shirts? She can't mix drinks then! So I don't blame her. Luckily, if she does leave the rigorous rat race that is bartending, she has the fall back career of professional cock block.

Oh Vinny...what are you doing on Jersey Shore? Vinny appears to be the only legitimate Italian American on the show. For this and other reasons, he is the most useless person on the show. What are the other reasons? Well, Vinny went to college and sometimes he makes sense when he talks. As of now, Vinny hasn't even tried to sleep with anyone else in the house! I'm pretty sure that one of the stipulations of being on an MTV show is you have to at least try to hook up with those around you (unless you're the virgin).

Here's the situation with Mike (aka The Situation)...first of all, he looks like he's 15 years older than everyone else on the show. I'm not 100% certain whether The Situation is what he calls himself or just his abs. I think nicknaming himself (or his abs) the situation is just an attempt to mask his Tourette's Syndrome. His tics are removing his shirt and saying the word "situation" over and over again. In the words of Amy, "we've only seen him for like 3 seconds. Which didn't prevent him from saying "the situation" twice." After the first 4 episodes I think Mike might need to change his nickname to Blue Balls because despite his best efforts, he has yet to get laid. It's a crime against humanity, I mean the guy tans religiously and gets his hair cut by a man wearing a Bluetooth. What's not to love?

Where to begin with Snooki? That girl is the definition of hot mess. First of all, she enjoys being called Snooki. Second, she owns a hat that says, "Porn Star in Training". If only I hadn't already bought all my Christmas presents! At one point, she was literally tumbling in the club and flashing her junk. Did this embarrass the other guidos and guidettes? No. In fact, JWoww said that she was really proud of Snooki. Remind me to never attempt to impress anyone at the Jersey Shore.

I think that ought to do it for my Jersey Shore thoughts of the day...because it's 3 pm and I've done nothing but think about the trainwreck that is that show since I got up. I will leave you with this humorous article, make sure to watch the following videos "Alyssa Milano's Evolution: Jersey Shore" and the SNL clip with Snooki on Weekend Update.

I will say this, at least they can poke fun at themselves.

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