Redefining F'd Up

Get ready, because I've got quite a tale to tell today! I have a variety of little rituals I do before I go to bed to help me unwind. My iPhone has really expanded the number of rituals I can choose from. For awhile, it was iPhone skeeball. Lately, it's been a review of the following website applications: Texts From Last Night, Texting While Intoxicated, and F My Life. It's a solid guarantee for before bed chuckles. So last night, I was checking all my sites and for whatever reason, I decided to check Twitter and Facebook before I went to bed. Nothing new on Twitter, but my Facebook notifications informed me that a girl I know from high school had commented on 3 pictures. My investigation of said comments is where our story begins.

It was 3 separate comments all made on 1 photo from my friend's wedding. The comments were not nice, at all. They had been up for about 45 minutes, and all I could hope was that my friend hadn't seen them. I quickly grabbed my computer and deleted the comments. To avoid any future problems, I decided to just remove this girl from my friends list. I was never close friends with this girl, and I haven't seen her or spoken to her since I graduated high school (going on 7 years ago)...I figured it would be a non-issue. I was wrong. Within minutes of my actions I had a message from her calling me immature. I'll now share with you the actual correspondence I had with this girl. I've blacked out all names involved in this story (man, I'm nice). Sorry if the images don't exactly line up...I tried my best. **Back in Black Note: In an attempt to make my blog more anonymous, I've also blocked out my name and picture using red.**

Tell me that's not one of the most crazy and nonsensical things you've seen in awhile. It was hard for me to get into the mindset of this argument because I haven't been a 12 year old girl for a long time...I don't recall how to fight like one. First of all, don't get me started on the grammar...or the inaccuracies and flip-flopping she does in her story. I won't lie to you, as I was reading some of these I felt a lot like David After the Dentist and had to ask aloud, "is this real life?" Sadly, yes. This is real life. Once I determined that it was real life, I couldn't wait to blog about it! Would you agree that this story brings "fucked up" to a whole new level?

Facebook doesn't provide you with a notification when someone defriends you so she had to be monitoring my activities pretty closely to notice right away. I think the main lesson I took away from this situation was that my Facebook friendship is more highly sought after than I could have ever imagined. All this started because I removed someone from my friends list. Can you say that's ever happened to you after a defriending? I kinda felt like Monica in "The One Where Heckles Dies," Mr. Heckles dies and leaves everything to the "noisy girls" who live about him. Monica says, "I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, and not even know it?"

My friend did see the comments, but she didn't let them bother her. I forwarded her the crazy message and she was happy to see that I defended her. "I also have never been so proud to call you my friend. Well with the exception of punching the street preacher."

So I was wondering what my Facebook karmic retribution would be, until I went to brush my teeth. I discovered a small cut on my tongue that was bleeding. I immediately texted Amy Jo.

• Me: My tongue is bleeding a little and I don't recall biting it. Ahhhh, the karma!!!
• Amy Jo: The blood escalates her comment about karma to an actual THREAT. I'm pretty sure FB frowns on that.
• Me: Yes! They do! I'm filing a report! She cut me with witchcraft.

But we can all agree that karma is a chameleon, it come and go; it come and go; a whoa whoa.