As Seen On TV

Confession: I love infomercials. Not all infomercials, it's mainly the cleaning ones. Steam Buggy, Oxi-Clean, Kaboom--they're all great. I don't know what it is I like the most about them. Maybe it's the pre-recorded demonstration video they play throughout the infomercial. I love watching the actors over-dramatize the struggle between consumer and vacuum. Or when they are wearing gas masks to clean the bathroom because the fumes of traditional cleaners are soooo terrible!

I also love how utterly filthy the demonstration homes are. Everything is so dirty that you don't even realize what color it actually is until they clean it. For the longest time I always wondered, "Who lets their home get that dirty? That's bullshit!" And then I went into the homes of others. I knew that not everyone was as insanely clean or organized as I am, but I didn't know that there were people who have literal aversions to cleanliness. By the way, if your home is like that and you invite me over to visit, please know that my mind is racing with how I would clean up your house.

I really enjoy seeing how clean something can be. I get such a sense of accomplishment when I can actually see a difference or result in something I've done. (If you had not gathered that I was a nerd in any of the previous blogs, I think it's pretty clear now). If I had an unlimited income one (of many) thing I would do is impulsively purchase products that I have "seen on TV." It's probably a good thing I don't have an unlimited income.


One of the most interesting sales tactics used in infomercials is yelling. Billy Mays is the King of Infomercial Yelling. For some reason, I believe people (on TV at least) if they are yelling. I guess my thought process is, "Why would he be yelling if the carpet cleaner doesn't work as well as they say?" I am also more inclined to believe something that rhymes. I mean, they've gone to the trouble to create a little poem, so it must be good.

I don't remember a lot of my childhood--various parts have been blocked out, and I don't remember the first time I discovered that you could buy products seen on infomercials in stores, but I do remember the emotion. It was like Christmas. Amazing. Simply amazing. That's why I love stores like Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I typically don't give into my urges and purchase the items I see on the screen...but the other day I did give in. I bought Kinoki Detox Foot Pads. They claim to "cleanse and energize your body" and "capture toxins eliminated by your body, cleanse and detoxify your skin's outer layers." I have seen the infomercial with several friends and we all agree that these pads you stick on your feet before you go to sleep are amazing and we need to try them. Apparently I'm the brave one with enough balls to give it a try. I suppose you could also call me the "dumb impulse buyer" of the group, but I prefer brave. The kit came with a 2 week supply, and I'm going to start tonight (I'm so anal I couldn't start in the middle of the week) and I plan on keeping you updated on the progress of the project. And if in 2 weeks, my life is super amazing (more so than now, is that possible?) we will all know that it's thanks to the Kinoki Foot Pads.

My friend Jess once made me watch an infomercial she had recorded on her DVR (let that sink in for a minute) called "The Ultimate Cleanse," not my typical infomercial pick...it was about some colon cleansing product. The interesting part about it was the religious aspect to it. I can't fully remember the premise (we were also drinking) but I think the gist of it is "sin fills up your colon with poop and Jesus wants you to get it out." That might not be quite right. The hilarious/gross thing was that people who had used this would send pictures in to show this guy what had, uh, exited them after the cleanse.

My love of infomercials also feeds over into my love of Sharper Image, Brookstone and all other stores where you can purchase everything-you-ever-needed-but-just-didn't-know-it. I can't tell you the number of times I've been reading Sky Mall on a plane and realized, "Wow, I never realized this but I don't have my own personalized juke box. Why is that?"