Thursday, July 24, 2008

Unmarketable Talents

I was in the break room yesterday and noticed that someone had not eaten the cherry from their Sonic mini banana split. When I asked if I could have it, they obliged. Mid-bite they asked if I could tie the stem in a knot with my tongue. Oh you'd better believe I can. I tied a knot in under 30 seconds and then found myself trying to explain how exactly I did it. That's when I realized I have many unmarketable talents.
Unmarketable talents are things that you're good at but serve no real purpose in life. They're entertaining at parties and might be the answer to a Jeopardy question, but that's it. To my knowledge (and experience thus far) these talents will not take you far. Mine include (but are not limited to) the following:
  1. Tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue
  2. Quote movies/TV (as mentioned in a previous post)
  3. Doodling
  4. Ability to raise both eyebrows (individually)
  5. Construct extremely long chains out of Starburst wrappers (last measured, 6 ft.)
  6. Extensive knowledge of song lyrics
  7. Pop culture references
  8. If I've been somewhere once I can usually find my way back (even after long periods of time)
  9. Very pretty handwriting
  10. Excellent list maker

Trust me, there are more! If only I could parlay one or more of these abilities into a lucrative career, I'd be set.

I've always thought that I could provide very colorful commentary on some sort of VH1 program like I Love the 80s or Best Week Ever, based on my pop culture knowledge. But I don't really think those positions are in high demand. Not to mention all of those people do other things that are listed in italiacs under their name. What would they write under my name? Erin Black, Useless Information Source. Actually, that doesn't sound half bad. Plus they'd pay me and I'd get to be on TV.

And maybe I'd say something really funny and I would become a quote on someone's Facebook and/or MySpace page, which is another goal of mine.

"If you are flammable and have legs, then you are never blocking a fire exit. You can write that down and put a dash in front of it, and put my name at the bottom." ~Mitch Hedberg

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